Halloween Candy Is For Suckers

17 Oct

Buying candy for Halloween is a crapshoot.

If you overshoot, you’re stuck with five pounds of leftover candy in your cupboard and fifteen more on your hips.

Undershoot, and you’re hightailing it to the all night convenience store to buy more Hershey’s bars before the next swarm of kids comes knocking on your door.

Instead of playing the candy card on Halloween, play the “get rid of some of the useless junk taking up space in your house” card.  You hate clutter, kids love stuff.  It’s a win win.

Here are eight ideas for household items to pawn off on kids this Halloween:

1. Ketchup packets from your fridge — Kids love ketchup!  Am I right?

2. Coupons — What kid doesn’t appreciate 75-cents off Grape Nuts?

3. Business cards — Couldn’t every young, energetic kid use a good personal injury lawyer?

4. Take-out menus — How many Chinese take-out menus do you really need?

5. Ice — A chance to purge those stale cubes that taste like freezer. . .

6. Pottery — Realistically, how many ceramic unicorns from “Paint-Your-Own” pottery store can your mantel hold?

7. Mini pads — They’re individually wrapped.

8. Tea bags — Nothing says “Trick or Treat” like Sleepy Time.

Warning:  Not responsible for houses that may get toilet-papered or egged as a result of this post.


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12 Responses to “Halloween Candy Is For Suckers”

  1. Paprika Furstenburg October 17, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    This strategy has the added bonus that next year, you probably won’t have a single trick or treater darkening your doorstep.

  2. sportsattitudes October 17, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    Always overshoot on candy purchase to ensure that all visitors get there proper treats. Two rules must be followed however…1) must purchase candy as close to Halloween as possible to reduce home (internal) consumption prior to Halloween night and, 2) must take all remaining candy into workplaces the very next day. Hysterical how fast a boatload of candy disappears from a lunchroom the day after Halloween. Blink of an eye.

  3. Amy October 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm #

    Those were some great and hilarious ideas – I’m inspired and have already started to rummage through my piles of unwanted stuff with the hopes of dishing out many of your fantastic ideas to trick or treaters in need. I usually only offer years old left over candy, but this year, thanks to you, I will have many other options, a cleaner house, and less people knocking on my door next year. Thanks again for the great ideas!

    • Main Street Musings Blog October 17, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

      Happy to oblige, Amy! If you really get desperate, there’s always pencil shavings and dryer lint!

  4. Krista Fuller October 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    Great suggestions and so true about over shooting on the candy. I don’t know why, but in the past I’ve always offered a VARIETY of candy only to suffer the maddening waiting and pain while hunched down to the eye level of a three-year-old who’s trying to decide between Kit Kats, Reese’s PB Cups or Snickers. Why? I don’t know! This year it’s going to be one thing in my bowl of Halloween offerings. Take it or leave it. OR maybe I’ll clear out the 29 Duck Sauce and soy packets in my fridge…hmm.

  5. Main Street Musings Blog October 18, 2011 at 2:55 pm #

    So true! I love the duck sauce idea–and don’t forget the fortune cookies!

  6. Sam October 20, 2011 at 12:22 pm #

    Great suggestions. I will use my business card. They are bound to be interested in my services, and I need to use them up a bit before a phone number changes.

  7. Main Street Musings Blog October 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    Hopefully you don’t work for a big bank like my husband does, or they’ll likely rip your business card in half.

  8. funnyortragic October 27, 2011 at 6:43 am #

    In my day, kids already tweaked out on candy would come to your house with torches and burn your house DOWN. Well, probably just a rosebush. Or a small flaming bag of poo. Or maybe not at all, because we’d have tummy aches from milk duds. But you don’t mess with candy, y’all. Candy is sacred to the gods. Gods like Pumpkinhead and Santa Claus…

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