A Trip Down PMS Lane with Facebook’s Timeline (Social Network Parody)

16 Dec

Dear Facebook User,

As you know, we here at Facebook encourage you to share everything about yourself— birthdays, music, meals, infectious diseases . . .

Now, with our newest feature, PMS Timeline (“PMST”) Facebook users will be able to share even more.  PMST is a calculator that tracks women’s menstrual histories from the first beginnings to right now.   We think it’s an important next step for every woman to tell the story of her happy womanhood through a scrapbook menstrual montage.

PMST lets you share your most personal life event and express how you’re feeling about it.  We know you ladies have been privately lamenting about PMS for centuries, but now we’re handing you a virtual bullhorn to complain about it!

With PMST, the world will know when you’re late, ovulating, fertile, or, have such bad cramps you want to rip out your ovaries and feed them to wild dogs.

Another added benefit of PMST:  Since women who are in frequent close contact with each other have menstrual cycles that become synchronized, Facebook users will get to live together under one gigantic virtual red tent.

It will be the biggest bitch fest known to mankind!

By clicking the “view activity” button on PMST, you’ll see every comment posted and photo shared, a month-at-a glance.  Think of it as an interactive A to Z menstrual glossary.

PMS will no longer be reserved for husbands, close friends, and family—it will also be shared by Facebook’s 800 million members!

(Sample from our pilot PMS Timeline):

RECENT STORIES

Constance Flow

OMG, this weekend twelve out-of-town guests are coming, and so is my period!  

Like * Comment * Share

1, 989, 450 people like this.

[View all 30, 567 comments]

Cara Free

I feel your pain!  I won’t be able to wear my new white linen pants to my bridal shower!

PMS Timeline isn’t out yet, but the upcoming change may give men-a-pause . . .

PMST—Make Timeline a place you’re proud to call your menstrual home.

Sincerely,

The Facebook Team

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18 Responses to “A Trip Down PMS Lane with Facebook’s Timeline (Social Network Parody)”

  1. sportsattitudes December 16, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

    Next up…timeline tracking midlife crisis activity for both male and female users…as well as their pets of course…

  2. Main Street Musings Blog December 16, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    Right. Facebook, December, 2011: Today my poodle ran off with my neighbor’s doberman in my new red Ferrari . . .

  3. Paprika Furstenburg December 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    This was hysterical! Loved the lines about the “virtual bullhorn”, “gigantic virtual red tent” and “the biggest bitch fest known to mankind.”

    While you wrote this as a parody, there is probably someone out there already writing the software.

  4. Main Street Musings Blog December 16, 2011 at 4:57 pm #

    You’re probably right. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.

  5. Main Street Musings Blog December 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    Thanks, Ronnie. Root canal, huh? We’ll see if I can rise to the challenge on that one!

  6. thelaughingmom December 17, 2011 at 12:36 am #

    You laugh but I bet your timeline will get a lot of use in offices – great indicator of one of those closed door days. I’m leaning towards the menopause timeline with a hot flashes ticker. I hope my Facebook friends have enough RAM on their computer to handle the surges.

  7. Sylver Blaque December 17, 2011 at 5:53 am #

    Seriously, what’s the joke?? This should be real. And real soon. I desperately need an online community of bloody bitches!

  8. John S December 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    Hilarious…and…probably not too far off. :/ enjoyed your blog!

  9. Dina El-Hakim December 17, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    hilarious! 🙂

  10. Krista Fuller December 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    Love the idea! Hope it also includes a feature whereby we can all share our detailed childbirth stories (video a bonus). Still chuckling at the “gigantic virtual red tent”.

  11. susielindau January 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    It wouldn’t surprise me a bit!
    So funny!

  12. Sherry Stanfa-Stanley January 6, 2012 at 3:13 am #

    Laughed out loud at this vague memory. I’ll give you a few years before you write a hilarious post about menopause. Trust me–it’s equally amusing.

  13. Main Street Musings Blog January 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    I’ll look forward to it. Not. 🙂

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