Valentine’s Day Hunk

23 Jan

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and I’m not taking it too seriously—at least not in my parody ad for a “Hunk of the Month” club (made of “medical grade plastic … as close as you’ll get to the real thing”), which is included in the new Valentine’s Day anthology, My Funny Valentine.

That’s right, I’ve been published! (Go ahead and laugh . . .)

Subtitled, “America’s Most Hilarious Writers Take On Love, Romance, and Other Complications,” “My Funny Valentine” is a collection of humorous essays including some 40 humor writer’s unique views not just on Valentine’s Day, but also modern day love and romance.

If the idea of a 150-page unique collection of stories, poems, personal accounts, and unconventional Valentine card lines strikes your fancy, then splurge on “My Funny Valentine,” (only $9.99!) available at Sages Pages in Madison, NJ, Amazon.com (paperback and Kindle version) and Barnes & Noble.

Or, read my essay for free here . . .

Valentine’s Day Hunk

Ladies, are you tired of the Valentine’s Day “same old’s?”  Same old jewelry, same old candy, same old man?  This Valentine’s Day, bypass the tennis bracelet and the roses and forget the box of chocolates, because you can get all the delicious eye candy a girl could ask for when you join the Hunk of the Month Club!

You can never go wrong with THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

We have a variety of trophy husbands ready, willing and able to serve as your personal ambassador of hotness, status and youth.  That’s right, trophy husbands. After all, why should men have all the fun?

Sound too good to be real?  It is, but so what?  Real is overrated.  These fictional hunky husbands are made of medical grade plastic and are as close as you’ll get to the real thing and still make good on your fantasy and your marriage.   It’s the ideal situation.  You get to keep your marriage intact and have some fun on the side because these life-size hotties are designed to fulfill your every whim, and they come with a full head of hair!

Selection, Quality and Value are what set us apart from our competitors.  Our standard model comes with a muscular physique, moveable arms and legs, and a head that will instantly swivel in your direction when you call his name.  He is anatomically correct (although certain body parts may fall off when wet) and his underwear is permanently molded to his body so you won’t have to pick it up off the floor each morning.  For custom orders, you can choose the circumference of his neck, chest, waist and other unnamed body parts.

Each of our hunks meets rigorous quality control standards and is programmed to say all the right things (accents available in English, French and Italian):

“Yes, of course I’ll be home for dinner.”

“You relax, honey, I’ll feed the dog and take out the garbage.”

“Have you been eating enough?   You look like you’ve lost weight.”

Testimonials:

Tina, New Jersey:  I loved my March hunk,  “Rough Around the Edges” Vince!  He had an earring, slicked back hair, and was cut like a Hershey’s bar under his muscle shirt.  I can’t wait to try “Jack hammer” John in April!

Muffy, New York.  I was crazy for my December hunk, “Urban Sugar Daddy” Dan —that mane of wavy brown hair, painted goatee, and chiseled cheekbones . . .mmmm . . .

Katie, California:  September’s “Suburban Rock Band” Spike had that sexy brooding thing going on.   He had a fierce look, and wore a wicked grin that really turned me on.  His “Mattel for grown-ups” tattoo was cool, too.  I had fun dressing us up in matching leather accessories!

Order Today! (3 Months)  $169.69

Be a trendsetter and brag to your friends that you score a new hunk every month!  Treat yourself to an original gift—a Valentine’s Day Hunk.  Remember, if you don’t like him, you might like his best friend . . .

The Hunk of the Month Club:  He’s not your grandma’s crash test dummy.

People who viewed this also viewed:

Adult Toys of the Month Club and Thong of the Month Club

Clothing and accessories sold separately, available while supplies last. Gift membership also includes free extra parts.

WARNING:  This product is not recommended for people with pediophobia (those suffering an intense, irrational fear of mannequins)

 

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26 Responses to “Valentine’s Day Hunk”

  1. thelaughingmom January 23, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    If you sold the Hunk of The Month Club on QVC, it would sell faster than Mrs. Prindables Candied Apples. Thank you for posting your famous essay for your cheap blogger friends. Makes me want to buy the book and a Hunk too – but then who would have time to read? Congratulations on being published!

  2. Paprika Furstenburg January 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    Congrats on being published!! I have a question…do you send your hunk back at the end of the month? I’m envisioning a storage problem and closet full of hunks by the end of the year.

  3. Jen and Tonic January 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm #

    “Sound too good to be real? It is, but so what? Real is overrated.” AMEN! 😉

    Congrats on being included in the anthology!

  4. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer January 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    Could we possible alter the arrangements and instead of Hunk of the Month, have Hunk delivered when hubby is on a business trip?

    Ronnie

  5. earthriderjudyberman January 24, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    I’m thinking the hubby might get a tad suspicious when I ran over him to answer the door when the UPS truck pulls up. Funny blog.

  6. Main Street Musings Blog January 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

    Ha! You might like February’s hunk, “UPS Steve” –he really delivers!

  7. tricia linden January 24, 2012 at 11:58 pm #

    “these life-size hotties are designed to fulfill your every whim, and they come with a full head of hair!” Thanks for that. What better way to get my whim fulfilled? Thanks for the laugh. T

  8. Dawn@lightenUp! January 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

    Hey, that book looks familiar! Lol. Loved your essay, which I read in One of the 20 copies of the book that I bought, congrats, lady!!

  9. funnyortragic January 26, 2012 at 7:50 am #

    Congrats on being published! I’m not sure I need to rent a hunk. I think I just need to rent a voice box to insert into my hubby hunk, so I can hear him say I was right. About everything.

  10. Main Street Musings Blog January 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    Thanks! I wouldn’t mind one of those voice boxes too.

  11. marianna January 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    i wait Valentine’s Day always

  12. Sherry Stanfa-Stanley January 31, 2012 at 3:02 am #

    OH MY. This was a hoot. Please tell me it’s for real and that you take American Express.

    Might be the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had since the sixth grade.

  13. Main Street Musings Blog January 31, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    You just gave me an idea. The hunks should sell with a special accessory: a limitless credit card– for the ultimate fantasy experience.

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