From Tooth Fairy to Truth Fairy

30 Apr

If you were at a party and someone told you that a winged creature in tights would fly to your house during the night and deliver money, would you believe him?

Chances are, no. Because if you’re a realist like me you don’t believe in fantasy, only in real miracles like rainbows, meteorites, and Oxyclean.

Yet as parents we feel compelled to perpetuate the Tooth Fairy myth by fabricating strings of lies about a mythological creature who carries a wand and plies kids with dollar bills.

We stretch out those lies until their last teeth come in, the wisdom teeth—that’s when youngsters finally get wise to the fact that they’ve been duped by the Tooth Fairy, along with The Loch Ness Monster, Santa Claus and Obama’s promise for health care reform.

So it was on principle that when my first child’s mouth became ripe with loose teeth I resolved to dismiss the Tooth Fairy and adopt the Truth Fairy, a new heroine who would stand for honesty, integrity, and frugality.

“The Tooth Fairy is just a product of our imagination, like jackalopes and Prince Charming,” I would tell my children. “The only thing you’ll ever get for a baby tooth is a grown up tooth and even that will eventually require filling, bleaching, and painful root canal.”

But I didn’t want to be a killjoy, spoiling the fun for everyone. I couldn’t deny my children their right to senseless fantasy, so I joined the ranks of Tooth Fairies across the globe.

With each Tooth Fairy visit my enthusiasm grew along with my children’s. Their gappy Mike Tyson grins and dollar bill dances were priceless.

But there was a price after all which I discovered the day this Tooth Fairy unknowingly fell short.

“What’s the matter? I asked my dejected daughter. Didn’t the Tooth Fairy come?”

“She brought me a dollar,” sighed Heather.

“So?”

“Nicole told me at school yesterday that the Tooth Fairy left her five dollars.”

“Five dollars!” How many teeth did she lose?”

To think I had finally gotten into the Tooth Fairy spirit only to be trumped by a fellow Tooth Fairy.

With the next lost tooth I raised the bar and slipped a $5 bill under Heather’s pillow.   Still I received no jack-o-lantern grin the following morning.

“Why the long face?” I asked my daughter. Didn’t the Tooth Fairy come?

“Uh huh.  But she brought Nicole five dollars and a handwritten note.”

“Handwritten note?” I said weakly.

With the next lost tooth I offered up a $5 bill and a handwritten note signed, “Your ever faithful Tooth Fairy.” Again, the next day Heather’s face registered disappointment.

“I see the Tooth Fairy brought you a five dollar bill and a handwritten note,” I said.

“Yes.  But Nicole got five dollars, a handwritten note, and fairy dust.”

“Fairy dust!” I exclaimed.

How does a Tooth Fairy top that?

I determined that this fairy had been flying off track and called on my alter ego Truth Fairy. She didn’t destroy the myth but instead explained to my kids that the value of believing is greater than any dollar amount.

Even so, this Fairy sought early retirement. So I called our pediatric dentist.

“Dr. Nelson, when do kids finish losing their teeth?

“Usually at around age twelve. However, there are cases…”

“Cases when they’re much younger?” I asked hopefully, fantasizing about the day I could finally hang up my wand.

“Cases when the wisdom teeth come in crooked and have to be extracted,” he answered.

“And what age is that?”

“Twenty-five.”

Like this post?  Follow my blog and get loads more free of charge!  Just click “follow” at the top of the page.

Special note: I’d like to send out thanks to Joan from The Thing About Joan for nominating me for the Kreativ Blogger award. Check out her breezy blog where she writes about the trials and tribulations of “raising 3 kids and 1 puppy” while “desperately crafting to stay sane.”

In honor of my recent attendance at the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop,  I would like to nominate my six trusted tablemates who taught me the true meaning of fast friendship and the value of a hot 3-way (Cincinnati chili: Chili, spaghetti, and cheese):
 Here are the official rules (from which I “kreatively” deviated) for those nominated :
  1. Copy the Kreativ Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
  2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  3. List 7 things about you that people might find interesting.
  4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Kreativ Blogger Award.
  5. Leave a comment on the blogs you nominate to let them know about the award.
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32 Responses to “From Tooth Fairy to Truth Fairy”

  1. crubin April 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    When I first saw the title of this post–I thought it might have something to do with that article you tweeted about the dentist who pulled out all of her ex’s teeth. Talk about revenge.

    My children benefited from their parents’ aging neurons, because some nights the tooth fairy came twice, neither one realizing the other had already left a deposit. 🙂

    • Main Street Musings Blog April 30, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

      Such revenge! Though the ex in the dental chair could have made a bundle had the tooth fairy visited him that night!

      Sounds like your kids made out pretty well with the accidental double deposit!

      • crubin April 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

        They sure did. And they still laugh about it and make fun of their old fool parents whenever they can.

  2. Krista Fuller April 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

    Hilarious, yet sadly true! Our Tooth Fairy got trumped before we even got started. A kid in J’s preschool (apparently an overachiever for losing teeth before kindergarten) got a BIKE from the Tooth Fairy.

  3. writerwendyreid April 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    Lisa, this was hilarious. I had to come clean about the tooth fairy when one night, both my husband and myself completely forgot and he got nothing. He wasn’t thrilled and we decided not to let the fairy get the blame (although in retrospect maybe we should have) and told him the truth. Saved us a few bucks, several hand-written notes and some fairy dust! 😛

  4. Life in the Boomer Lane April 30, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    I am so happy I raised my kids before the era of parents outdoing each other. Otherwise, they would have been assisting each other in pulling out their teeth.

  5. thethingaboutjoan April 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm #

    Our tooth fairy left a dollar coin when one of our twins lost one of her first teeth. Imagine the shock when the next night, her twin lost his first tooth. In 2 weeks, the kids lost 5 teeth between them, and I think we shocked the tooth fairy into bringing it down a notch.

    I think the jig is up though. Someone in second grade spilled the beans. Sigh.

    • Main Street Musings Blog April 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

      Wow, that’s a lot of teeth in a short time span! Are you sure there were no pliers involved? 😉
      Re: My comments on your blog–it’s my pleasure!

  6. thethingaboutjoan April 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    Whoops! Forgot to say — thanks for the kind words about my blog. Also, I can’t wait to read the others you’ve listed!

  7. cindyricksgers April 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

    Hilarious! When I finally sat my older daughter down to explain to her about Santa Claus, she stared a moment, flung herself back in the chair and said, “Well, gol, Mom, I’m glad you finally told me. Imagine, I grow up, I have kids…we all sit around waiting for Santa Claus?!” Which always makes me laugh, and imagine myself trying to sneak in to deliver the goods. Thank God the tooth fairy is retired, at least, by the time they’re adults!

    • Main Street Musings Blog April 30, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

      Sounds like your daughter handled the news of Santa Claus well. But good luck explaining Obama’s health care reform . . . 😉

  8. Carl D'Agostino April 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    That cheap witch never left me more than 40 cents

  9. Paprika Furstenburg April 30, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    Just imagine what those wisdom teeth are going to cost you with the price of inflation.

  10. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer April 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    Can you imagine how Martha Stewart left money for her daughter from the tooth fairy? Wouldn’t you love to have seen the fancy hand made little embroidered bag the money came in? Keeping up with the Jones is one thing, but it could be worse; keeping up with Martha.

    • Main Street Musings Blog May 1, 2012 at 8:31 am #

      So true. Things were easier for her in those days when she wasn’t hampered by an ankle monitor.

  11. thelaughingmom May 1, 2012 at 12:07 am #

    You forgot about the fairy dust which is where I draw the line. Thank you for the award! I’ve got to figure out how to post those badges on my site. It’s kind of like being a blogger scout isn’t it?

    • Main Street Musings Blog May 1, 2012 at 8:33 am #

      The fairy dust was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Enjoy your award. Maybe next time it will come with a box of thin mints.

  12. Huffygirl May 1, 2012 at 9:05 am #

    A dollar? Five dollars? Fairy dust? My kids got a quarter. Of course, that was over 25 years ago. The worst part about the tooth fairy myth? You have multiple opportunities to forget to be the tooth fairy, and have to humbly make up some story to your teary-eyed child the next day. “The tooth fairy got stuck in the snow…”

  13. Audubon Ron May 1, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    No fairy dust? You’re lucky the Department of Children and Families didn’t snatch your kids and put them in a foster home.

  14. funnyortragic May 2, 2012 at 1:37 am #

    I think you’re being snookered. I knew there was no toothfairy by the tender age of five, but I didn’t let on for YEARS. Why waste and opportunity to get some cash? Come to think of it, I was a littler mercenary…

  15. mj monaghan May 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

    That is funny. I never got into trying to top the other Santas or Tooth Fairies. I taught them very early on that life isn’t fair, so I just trotted that out whenever necessary!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Section 641 | whole food hungry - May 31, 2012

    […] From Tooth Fairy to Truth Fairy (mainstreetmusingsblog.com) […]

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