Snoring: It’s Nothing to Sneeze at

29 Jul

photoMy husband Chris and I have been married over twenty years and each evening after saying goodnight to our three children we sprint upstairs to the bedroom for our nightly “ritual.”   I know what you’re thinking.  “Wow, are they lucky!  Even after so many years they can still run up those stairs!”

Our nightly ritual is a game we call “Beat the Clock.”  We race to see who can get into bed first, and the winner gets to fall asleep by himself/herself.

This started when Chris began snoring—the day after we got married.  It wasn’t a loud snore.  It was more like a soft little puff, the kind a baby dragon might make, or a young lad trying to whistle with a mouthful of Saltines.

I managed to sleep through Chris’s snoring until we started a family, which as every parent knows, causes chronic sleep-impairment.  We felt like military soldiers trying to sleep in enemy territory—startled awake by sounds that under normal circumstances can be heard only by mice and dolphins.   Now, trying to fall asleep next to a sleeping dragon, I’d have had better luck breathing underwater.

Over time the gentle puffs grew into loud honks, the kind made by migrating geese, or that cause commuters to line up to board the Staten Island Ferry.

I tried everything:  customized earplugs, white noise, and pillows over the head.   The earplugs didn’t work.  The white noise was so irritating I’d rather have listened to Gangnam Style.  The pillow over the head I thought worked well, but Chris complained that he couldn’t breathe.

I found that the only solution, short of Chris sleeping with a snorkel stuffed in his mouth, was for me to fall asleep before him so I could fall into a deep REM before he fell into a deep snore.  It worked for a while but then he started to complain.

“Your sleep routine is disruptive to the whole family. You can’t keep feeding the kids dinner at 3:00 p.m. and telling them it’s bedtime.  Besides, I want to relax after work, but you complain when I watch TV while you’re trying to sleep.”

“That’s because you have the TV on so loud.”

“It’s on mute!” he said.

I could sense his frustration, but I was frustrated too. We had both become victims of his snoring.

It was around the time that I developed seasonal allergies when things changed.  I was so congested that I could hardly breathe. I went to the doctor and when I returned home early that evening I was stunned to find Chris already in bed fast asleep.  I was confused.  Was he was trying to beat me at my own game? I waited until the next morning to confront him.

“Why did you go to bed before me yesterday?” I asked.

“Because I’ve had trouble falling asleep lately. It seems  you don’t just have seasonal allergies,” he said, with a trace of amusement.  “You have seasonal snoring.”

I’d like to send a shout out to Renee Fisher at Life in the Boomer Lane for giving me the privilege to guest post on her blog.  Renee is a talented writer, co-author of two books, and Featured Blogger on Huffington Post. Also, thanks to Judy Berman at earthriderdotcom for nominating me for Best Moment Award for my story “Revelations from My First CAbi Party.” Judy writes charming stories of travel, family and life.

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58 Responses to “Snoring: It’s Nothing to Sneeze at”

  1. Paprika Furstenburg July 29, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    My sympathies to you both. Oregano is a snorer, kicker and flopper. It’s like sleeping with a seal with breathing problems. I use ear plugs, a white noise machine. They usually work, but even some nights that isn’t enough to dull the roar coming from him. So, we created a snoratorium – an extra bedroom to move to so that I can actually get some sleep.

    • Main Street Musings Blog July 30, 2013 at 6:16 am #

      Oregano does sound seal-like. Maybe you can charge admission for his performance. Can he balance a ball on the end of his nose?

      • Paprika Furstenburg July 30, 2013 at 11:43 am #

        Sadly, he cannot balance a ball on his nose. I’m afraid ticket buyers would demand a refund.

  2. Carrie Rubin July 29, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

    I could never sleep without my white noise machine. Drives my kids crazy when we stay in a hotel, but I’m such a light sleeper that any sound from my husband will wake me up. And then I’m grumpy. And no one in my family wants that… 😉

    • Main Street Musings Blog July 30, 2013 at 6:20 am #

      I can empathize. In the Amazon we stayed in huts and the birds were so loud in the morning that I slept with my white noise phone app on all night, earbuds in my ears. I was lucky I didn’t strangle myself while I slept.

  3. Don't Quote Lily July 29, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    Lol, oh no, not you too! I hate snoring. Although my BF doesn’t currently snore, I wonder if that might change with marriage and then kids. Maybe I’m not in a rush to get married anymore. 😀

  4. Amy Bluestone Klein July 29, 2013 at 12:14 pm #


  5. Amy Bluestone Klein July 29, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    Hi Lisa,

    Omg, I never knew I should be racing to fall asleep first…gotta try that.

    Please change to this email. I am finally dumping aol.

    Have a great day!


  6. Gunta July 29, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

    Been there, done that, A spare bedroom works wonders.

  7. Toni July 29, 2013 at 2:36 pm #

    You are a gem! I can always count on you to brighten my day!

  8. Perfecting Motherhood July 29, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

    I’m a very light sleeper and I have to sleep with earplugs every night. My ex was a horrible snorer, even after he got his tonsils removed. So glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore! I sympathize with you though, and with your husband too!

  9. LuAnn July 29, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

    My husband just starting snoring recently when his shoulders began to ache and he could no longer sleep on his side. I am a light sleeper and we do use a white noise machine but I can still hear his snoring over the machine. I feel your pain! 🙂

    • Main Street Musings Blog July 30, 2013 at 6:49 am #

      I hear you. I’d have my white noise machine on so loud I’d be afraid it would wake our neighbors. I wish your husband quick healing, for both your sakes!

  10. Inion N. Mathair July 30, 2013 at 5:55 am #

    Hi, we are new to your blog by way of mutual blogging friend Carrie Rubin. And we’re so happy to have found your site and look forward to stopping by. Have to say, loved this post. Left us laughing. So cute to hear the game you two play to, “Beat the Snores” Most definitely will have to try that one, verses cutting off my husbands air supply! LOL

  11. The Dancing Rider July 30, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    Oh, that last paragraph! 🙂 Though I know this is not a funny issue, you did get my laughing. We struggle with that issue from time-to-time also.

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and taking your time to comment! I’ll be back here visiiting.

  12. earthriderjudyberman July 30, 2013 at 11:12 am #

    You had me laughing, Lisa, with this line: “The pillow over the head I thought worked well, but Chris complained that he couldn’t breathe.” Then the turn-about-unfair-play at the end … yes, we’re guilty of this, too. Thanks for the chuckles.

    Thank you for the plug for my blog.

  13. Huffygirl July 30, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    Sounds like the solution is twin CPAP machines.

  14. Lou and Kitty August 1, 2013 at 5:58 pm #

    It’s an enigma wrapped in a REM. Try desensitization. You will have to work that out in the bedroom.

  15. WordsFallFromMyEyes August 2, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

    My son used to have quite a problem with snoring but it is now all but gone. Interesting post.

  16. Professor Taboo August 4, 2013 at 10:34 am #

    What a hilarious post Lisa! Thank you for poking my laugh-box hard and long! Turning the insomnia into games is the best. You two (and both your nasal-ness) are perfect for each other! 😉

  17. Glynis Jolly August 5, 2013 at 8:44 am #

    I’m new to your blog but am happy I found out through WordPress.Com. I, too, have been married for over 20 years. Unlike your husband, mine didn’t start snoring until he retired from the military, and then it came on full blast.

    The whole thing, like you said, can be so frustrating. We’re still trying to find a way to deal with it. Such is life.

  18. sherrystanfastanley August 5, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

    Too, too funny! This is why I’m probably better off single. If not for my sake, at least for my ex’s.

  19. Grown and Flown August 6, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    You have all my sympathy and understanding! Being a light sleeper is a curse!

  20. Kyle August 7, 2013 at 9:47 am #

    I’m the snorer in my house. It started when I was pregnant with my first. Husband and dogs fight over the guest bedroom.

    Thanks for visiting my blog because now I’ve found yours.

    • Main Street Musings Blog August 8, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

      Funny isn’t it, what pregnancy can bring besides a child: larger shoe sizes, smaller cup sizes, loud snores . .

  21. mrsjuliana August 8, 2013 at 11:09 am #

    Does he have sleep apnea? My dad does and went to a sleep clinic. He now has a machine that helps aide his sleep and has eliminated his snoring.

    • Main Street Musings Blog August 8, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

      No, but I think that sending him to a sleep clinic is a good idea. Do they offer extended stay? 😉

      • mrsjuliana August 14, 2013 at 12:09 am #

        Hee hee… they might. 🙂

  22. Dawn@LightenUp! August 10, 2013 at 8:30 am #

    You seasonal snorer, you. 🙂 The hub says I snore, but I know it’s not true, for I am a pretty flower incapable of such things. 😉

  23. Audubon Ron August 18, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    Exactly why the Little Woman and I have separate suites. She snores, or do I snore? Well, one of us snores.

  24. gabrielablandy August 21, 2013 at 7:07 am #

    Been super busy lately and realised there are many blogs I’ve not visited for a while. This is a post I can totally relate to. I find it difficult to sleep even if I can hear someone breathing in the room. I think it dates back to boarding school – and knowing that I had to get a good night’s sleep if I was to achieve the concentration levels the teachers expected of me, and being paranoid that any sounds would keep me awake. Loud snoring reduces me to tears!! Funny that you are now both at it.

  25. Main Street Musings Blog August 21, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    I can relate to the sound of a simple exhale being a problem. Still, it seems unfair to ask my husband to stop breathing so I can fall asleep. 😉

  26. atempleton August 22, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    Funny (unless you’re trying to sleep) and so similar to my life!

  27. Main Street Musings Blog August 24, 2013 at 6:58 am #

    We can sleepily commiserate!

  28. mariner2mother August 27, 2013 at 12:24 am #

    I can soooo relate. For years, I would listen to my husband snore loud enough to wake the neighbors (and we live out in the country). Then he would stop breathing. This would wake me up. I’d shake him and he’d breathe again. Finally he did a sleep study and found out he had sleep apnea. These days, he wears a mask to bed, but it still gets noisy from the air blow by. Anyway, my solution has been an industrial box of the squishy ear plugs. Lately, I’ve been snoring badly and my husband has to use them too. Payback’s a bitch!

  29. coastalcrone September 4, 2013 at 8:27 pm #

    What a great blog! I was an Erma Bombeck fan from way back. I read this post and must follow. Thanks for the recent like for one of my posts.

  30. horsesofthesun October 4, 2013 at 1:48 am #

    Oh my word i had a good laugh at this! I suffer from my husband’s snoring that I have resorted to sleeping in another room! I actually worked out, when I’m LUCKY, I’m losing out on 14 hours of sleep a week – that’s 56 hours of lost sleep a month! So I am not sleeping for 7 days in a month! LOL @ the TV conversation – we have had the exact same one! HAHA

  31. anotherday2paradise January 4, 2014 at 9:08 am #

    I just happened upon this post, and you really made me laugh, especially “the pillow over the head” thing. I’ve often threatened my hubby with this. I’m also a very light sleeper, and in spite of ear plugs and noise machine, I still wake up at the slightest snore or movement in the bed. I sometimes wonder if women tend to live longer than men, just so that they can have a few years of uninterrupted sleep. 😕

    • Main Street Musings Blog January 5, 2014 at 11:52 am #

      That is an interesting theory! I’ll have to sleep on it! 😉 Thanks for visiting and commenting!

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