Tag Archives: bear hunt

Bear Hunt in New Jersey: A Grisly Affair

6 Dec

WARNING:  This may include content that is mildly rude and not appropriate for young children, animal rights activists, or Yogi Bear fans.

NARRATOR:   Yogi and his sidekick, Boo Boo are in for the greatest challenge of their lives.

They don’t know it yet, but in an effort to control the bear population, a six-day black bear hunt is underway with thousands of hunters of all ages out in New Jersey’s backwoods.

Last year, 589 bears were killed—some for food (tastes like pork), others for sport.

Opponents fear the hunt, which has become a yearly event, will threaten long-term viability of the black bear population, and worse yet, Yogi and Boo Boo may be hung out to dry.

YOGI:  (Running down Chatham’s Main Street toward Dunkin’ Donuts) Full speed ahead, Boo Boo!

NARRATOR:  Yogi and Boo Boo are going to get their lunch one adventure at a time!

YOGI:  Hey Boo Boo, I don’t think we’re in Jellystone anymore.

BOO BOO:  Me neither, Yogi.

YOGI:  Yum, I smell donuts!

BOO BOO:  You’re right, Yogi, let’s go inside and check it out.  (Yogi and Boo Boo enter Dunkin’ Donuts.)

CLERK:  May I help you sir?

YOGI:  You sure can!  Gee, those donuts look good!  Apple fritters, Boston creams, bear claws . . . (gasp) bear claws!

CLERK:  Do not worry, sir.  It is a bear claw donut.

YOGI:  Whew!  In that case, I’ll take a dozen to go.  (Whispers to Boo Boo) Okay, Boo Boo, the coast is clear.  Go out to the dumpster and clean out all the jelly donuts . . .

NARRATOR:  Yogi’s smarter than the average bear!

BOO BOO:  (A jelly-covered Boo Boo climbs out of the dumpster holding an armful of jelly donuts and signals Yogi two thumbs up.)    You do come up with some good plans, Yogi.

YOGI:  I’m so smart it hurts!  And you’re not so bad yourself, Boo Boo.

BOO BOO:  Aww, thanks, Yogi.  Now let’s go back to the woods and eat these donuts!

YOGI:  (Sitting with Boo Boo on a tree stump along the Passaic River) Nice day for a pic-a-nic! (Sound of gunshot)  What the heck was that? (Second shot)

BOO BOO:  Yogi!  Are you okay?

YOGI:  (groaning) Run, Boo Boo, run . . .

HUNTER 1:  How about that, Joe!  I got ‘em!

HUNTER 2:  Say, Leon, is that a jelly donut in its mouth?

HUNTER 1:  Look Joe!  There goes another bear, a small one! Lucky we’re allowed to kill one bear each!  Let’s go!

YOGI:  (Sitting with Boo Boo on a tree stump inside the pearly gates, nibbling on a jelly donut) Well, Boo Boo, I guess I wasn’t smarter than the average bear after all . . .

Bear hunt: necessity or travesty? What are your thoughts?

Adapted from column, “Yogi Bear Hunt in New Jersey” published in TheAlternativePress.com on December 9, 2010

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