Tag Archives: Hallmark cards

Holiday Cards: Signed, Sealed, Delivered (and Outsourced)

19 Dec

December is a time of year steeped in tradition—a time when we catch the holiday spirit, a time when we celebrate with family and friends, and a time when we express how much we mean to each other by exchanging cookies, gifts, and (pause here for blood-curdling scream) . . . annual holiday cards.

By Hallmark’s estimate, Americans send 1.5 billion holiday cards a year.  If you’re like me, you love to receive those colorful cards in the mail that bear cheerful wishes, contain beautiful photographs, and aren’t bills.

According to Hallmark research, nearly seventy-five percent of customers send holiday cards because they know how good it feels when they receive a holiday greeting, and in some cases (like the ones from my Uncle Harvey) a check.

But the chore of sitting at your kitchen table for endless hours addressing and licking envelopes while your writing hand stiffens into a pen-wielding crab claw and your tongue turns dryer than a cork board can quickly become tiresome.

As with taxes, there seems to be only two choices when it comes to preparing holiday cards, doing them and being glad you got it over with or pulling a Wesley Snipes and ignoring them.   Thanks to Hallmark, however, card giving needn’t be insufferable to be memorable.  Now you can arrange for someone else do the job for you through a new Hallmark service called Cards that Mail Themselves.

When you care enough to send the very best, Hallmark will not only express your sentiments, they’ll deliver them too.  With the new service, Hallmark will stamp, address and mail your cards for you.  All you have to do is upload an address book, choose your card and they’ll do the rest.

Some Hallmark employees share their perspectives:

Otto Pilot, Hallmark Chairman and CEO:  Our Company is passionate about thoughtfulness and caring, values that we hold on to so you don’t have to.  We understand that this is a busy season and want to help take the burden off our customers.   That means no more addressing and licking envelopes— we pay Ginger from the mailroom to do that for you.

Ginger Vitis, Mailroom Clerk:  My job ith to lick the envelopth.  Ith a thuper job ath long ath I drink loth of liquidth.

Bill Loney, Editorial Strategist for Cards:  Hallmark gives you the option to use one of many pre-written messages.  Get suggestions from the Hallmark Message Library to find just the right words and tone to suit your needs, whether inspiring, heartfelt, or ragingly hormonal. We make the process thoughtless for our consumers.

Rhoda Card, Writer for Holiday Cards: We have a variety of cards to choose from.  If you can’t find a pre-written message that’s right for you, Hallmark offers cards that enable the sender to record a message or music for the recipient.  Creating a message is as simple as the push of a button.  To ensure optimum sound, we recommend that you record your message in a quiet area away from jackhammers, live chickens, and anyone who has recently consumed a chili dog. 

This season, remember that holiday cards don’t have to be a chore.   Instead of putting them off, pawn them off, and rediscover the joy.

Hallmark for the holidays:  They think of your loved ones so you don’t have to.


A special note:  All satire aside, if Hallmark made cards for bloggers, I would send one to Funny or Tragic, saying thank you for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award.  I am both honored and flattered.   If anyone is looking for some slick and salty humor, check out this site—it’s funny and tragic, but mostly funny, and the illustrations alone are enough to make you fall off your chair laughing.

I would also send a Hallmark card to Good Humored, who first christened me with the Versatile Blogger Award.   Visit her site and enjoy some heart-warming humor.

The Laughing Mom is also Hallmark-worthy for writing such an enlightening post about the meaning of the Versatile Blogger Award.  Read it and you’ll better understand the award and the mindset of bloggers everywhere.

Finally, in the spirit of “versatility,” I encourage you to check out the aforementioned blogger’s blogrolls for more great reads.

Happy Holidays!  See you next year!


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