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Tag Archives: Parenting

From Tooth Fairy to Truth Fairy

30 Apr

If you were at a party and someone told you that a winged creature in tights would fly to your house during the night and deliver money, would you believe him?

Chances are, no. Because if you’re a realist like me you don’t believe in fantasy, only in real miracles like rainbows, meteorites, and Oxyclean.

Yet as parents we feel compelled to perpetuate the Tooth Fairy myth by fabricating strings of lies about a mythological creature who carries a wand and plies kids with dollar bills.

We stretch out those lies until their last teeth come in, the wisdom teeth—that’s when youngsters finally get wise to the fact that they’ve been duped by the Tooth Fairy, along with The Loch Ness Monster, Santa Claus and Obama’s promise for health care reform.

So it was on principle that when my first child’s mouth became ripe with loose teeth I resolved to dismiss the Tooth Fairy and adopt the Truth Fairy, a new heroine who would stand for honesty, integrity, and frugality.

“The Tooth Fairy is just a product of our imagination, like jackalopes and Prince Charming,” I would tell my children. “The only thing you’ll ever get for a baby tooth is a grown up tooth and even that will eventually require filling, bleaching, and painful root canal.”

But I didn’t want to be a killjoy, spoiling the fun for everyone. I couldn’t deny my children their right to senseless fantasy, so I joined the ranks of Tooth Fairies across the globe.

With each Tooth Fairy visit my enthusiasm grew along with my children’s. Their gappy Mike Tyson grins and dollar bill dances were priceless.

But there was a price after all which I discovered the day this Tooth Fairy unknowingly fell short.

“What’s the matter? I asked my dejected daughter. Didn’t the Tooth Fairy come?”

“She brought me a dollar,” sighed Heather.

“So?”

“Nicole told me at school yesterday that the Tooth Fairy left her five dollars.”

“Five dollars!” How many teeth did she lose?”

To think I had finally gotten into the Tooth Fairy spirit only to be trumped by a fellow Tooth Fairy.

With the next lost tooth I raised the bar and slipped a $5 bill under Heather’s pillow.   Still I received no jack-o-lantern grin the following morning.

“Why the long face?” I asked my daughter. Didn’t the Tooth Fairy come?

“Uh huh.  But she brought Nicole five dollars and a handwritten note.”

“Handwritten note?” I said weakly.

With the next lost tooth I offered up a $5 bill and a handwritten note signed, “Your ever faithful Tooth Fairy.” Again, the next day Heather’s face registered disappointment.

“I see the Tooth Fairy brought you a five dollar bill and a handwritten note,” I said.

“Yes.  But Nicole got five dollars, a handwritten note, and fairy dust.”

“Fairy dust!” I exclaimed.

How does a Tooth Fairy top that?

I determined that this fairy had been flying off track and called on my alter ego Truth Fairy. She didn’t destroy the myth but instead explained to my kids that the value of believing is greater than any dollar amount.

Even so, this Fairy sought early retirement. So I called our pediatric dentist.

“Dr. Nelson, when do kids finish losing their teeth?

“Usually at around age twelve. However, there are cases…”

“Cases when they’re much younger?” I asked hopefully, fantasizing about the day I could finally hang up my wand.

“Cases when the wisdom teeth come in crooked and have to be extracted,” he answered.

“And what age is that?”

“Twenty-five.”

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Special note: I’d like to send out thanks to Joan from The Thing About Joan for nominating me for the Kreativ Blogger award. Check out her breezy blog where she writes about the trials and tribulations of “raising 3 kids and 1 puppy” while “desperately crafting to stay sane.”

In honor of my recent attendance at the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop,  I would like to nominate my six trusted tablemates who taught me the true meaning of fast friendship and the value of a hot 3-way (Cincinnati chili: Chili, spaghetti, and cheese):
 Here are the official rules (from which I “kreatively” deviated) for those nominated :
  1. Copy the Kreativ Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
  2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  3. List 7 things about you that people might find interesting.
  4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Kreativ Blogger Award.
  5. Leave a comment on the blogs you nominate to let them know about the award.
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