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Tag Archives: trees

Northeast Storm Renders Us Powerless . . . Over TV

4 Nov

There are certain things you take for granted in the suburbs, like garbage pick up, recycling pick up, and your neighbor’s Oak tree not falling on your driveway.

That’s because we have expectations, the kind that involve Pop-Tarts, TV, and trees remaining vertical—until a freak October snowstorm smacks down and changes everything faster than a Kardashian marriage.

This change is known as the “downed effect.”

Downed tree branches = downed power lines = downed home temperatures = downed body temperatures = down to grandma’s house in a hurry before you freeze to death.

But before you pack up the kids and the dog and head to the home of relatives who haven’t lost power, you must first figure out how to move the 75-foot tall Oak tree blocking your car in the driveway.

Your husband surveys the situation with the next door neighbor, which means the two of them stand outside for a long time with their arms folded across their chests, staring at a tree.

They come up with a plan, which is to remain standing outside for a long time with their arms folded across their chests and let someone else move the tree.

Luckily, your helpful neighbor gets a tree service to come to you before servicing the other half a million people with trees down.   The tree service, however, can’t come until tomorrow because the workers are busy clearing fallen trees from their own driveways.

So you hunker down for the night with blankets, candles, and books.  Even though your kids complain that there’s nothing to do when you’ve lost power, you think it’s kind of nice, especially the “no TV” part.

The next day, a crew of workers arrives wielding chainsaws the size of small cars.  Within hours they’ve hacked the tree and moved on to the next person waiting to be freed from house arrest.

You pack up the kids and the dog and head to grandma and grandpa’s where, upon arrival, the kids are so excited they run with open arms, straight to the TV.

This goes on for five days until finally, you arrive home to find a beacon of light streaming from your family room.  Your electricity has been restored!   You enter your warm home, which is in the exact state you left it in.  Your kids follow the beacon of light, which takes them straight to . . . the TV.

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